11 Ways to Support Someone With Their Mental Health

When somebody tells you they’re struggling with their mental health, it’s natural to wonder what you should say or do. You might want to make them feel better, find a solution or give them something useful, especially if you care about them and hate seeing them struggle.

The difficulty is that support can look very different from the outside compared with how it feels to the person receiving it. Somebody may appreciate your advice, while somebody else may need you to stop suggesting things altogether. They may want company, practical help, space, distraction or somebody who can sit with them without turning the conversation into a problem-solving session.

There isn’t one perfect way to support everybody, but there are things people struggling with their mental health may need from the people around them. If you’ve ever wondered how to support someone with a mental health problem, what to say when somebody’s struggling or how to help without taking over, these are good places to start.

The better you understand what somebody’s experiencing, the less likely you are to give them the support you think they should want.

1. Properly Listen When Someone Talks About Their Mental Health

Somebody opening up about their mental health may have spent days, months or even years keeping parts of it to themselves. When they eventually talk, having somebody properly listen can matter more than finding the right response.

That means giving them your attention rather than checking your phone, looking around the room or preparing what you’re going to say next. You don’t need to interrupt every silence or fill every gap with advice, because sometimes somebody needs enough space to explain what’s been happening without feeling rushed towards a conclusion.

Listening also gives you a better chance of understanding what they’re actually struggling with rather than responding to what you assume the problem is.

2. Don’t Turn Every Mental Health Conversation Into Advice

When somebody says they’re anxious, depressed, overwhelmed or struggling in another way, advice can appear almost automatically. Exercise, sleep, getting outside, changing routine, therapy, meditation and countless other suggestions may all come from a good place.

The problem is that somebody can already know many of those things and still be struggling. They may have tried some of them, they may not be ready for them or they may be talking because they want somebody to understand what’s happening rather than give them another list of things to do.

You can always ask whether they want advice, and something as natural as, “Do you want me to help you think this through, or do you just want me to listen?” can make the conversation easier for both of you.

3. Keep Treating Them Like Themselves

Once somebody tells you they’re struggling, it can be easy for every interaction to become about their mental health. You start asking how they’re feeling every time you see them, watching their behaviour more closely or feeling as though every conversation needs to become serious.

They may appreciate being checked on, but they may also want parts of life where they’re still treated like themselves. They might want to laugh, talk rubbish, watch something, eat together, discuss work, sport or whatever else you usually talk about without their mental health becoming the main subject.

Mental health can take up enough space in somebody’s own head already, so having parts of life that still feel normal can matter too.

4. Believe What They’re Telling You About Their Mental Health

Mental health problems aren’t always visible. Somebody can go to work, laugh with you, answer messages and appear completely normal while struggling far more than you realise. The difference between how somebody looks and how they feel is one reason Surface Identity can be so difficult to recognise from the outside.

That can make it easy for people around them to underestimate what’s happening. Comments such as, “You seemed fine yesterday”, or “You don’t look depressed”, may make sense from the outside, but they can leave somebody feeling as though they have to prove how bad things are before they’ll be taken seriously.

You don’t need to fully understand an experience to accept that somebody is having it. If they tell you something has become difficult for them, start from there rather than judging it by how they look from the outside.

5. Offer Practical Help When Mental Health Makes Everyday Life Harder

Sometimes support has less to do with talking and more to do with making one part of the day easier. Poor mental health can make ordinary things feel much harder, including cooking, shopping, cleaning, making phone calls, attending appointments or dealing with things that have been put off.

You might offer to go somewhere with them, help them make sense of something that feels overwhelming, pick something up or sit beside them while they deal with a task they’ve been avoiding. Practical support doesn’t need to mean taking over their life, and it should still leave them with as much independence as possible.

For somebody who already feels mentally overloaded, removing one small pressure can sometimes be more useful than another long conversation about how overwhelmed they feel.

6. Don’t Take Withdrawal Personally

Somebody struggling with their mental health may reply less, cancel plans, disappear for a while or seem more distant than usual. If you care about them, that can hurt, especially when you’ve tried several times to help and feel as though you’re getting very little back.

Their withdrawal may have more to do with what they’re going through than how they feel about you. Anxiety can make social situations feel harder, depression can reduce somebody’s interest in things they normally enjoy, and feeling overwhelmed can make even replying to a message feel like another task.

You’re still allowed to have boundaries, and supporting somebody doesn’t mean accepting anything indefinitely. It can help, though, to leave room for the possibility that their reduced contact isn’t a judgement of the relationship.

7. Check In Again After the First Mental Health Conversation

A lot of people receive support when something first becomes obvious. Somebody has a bad day, opens up, experiences a crisis or tells people they’ve been struggling, and suddenly everyone checks in. For the person struggling, though, the mental health problem may still be there long after that first conversation has finished.

A message a few days later, asking how they’ve been or inviting them somewhere without pressure, can show that you remembered rather than treating their mental health as a one-off conversation. You don’t need to constantly ask for updates either, because regular contact can be enough to remind somebody that they haven’t been forgotten once the immediate moment has passed.

8. Give Them Space Without Making Them Feel Abandoned

Sometimes somebody wants to be alone, although that doesn’t always mean they want everybody to disappear from their life. There can be a difference between giving somebody space and leaving them feeling forgotten.

You can respect that they don’t want to talk or see anybody right now while still letting them know you’re around. A low-pressure message can give them that choice without creating another obligation, and the important part is paying attention to what that particular person needs because some people feel better with company while others need time by themselves before they’re ready to reconnect.

9. Help Them Think About What’s Affecting Their Mental Health

People often focus on how they feel before they understand why they feel that way. Somebody may know they’ve become anxious, low, irritable or overwhelmed without knowing what’s been contributing to it.

You don’t need to analyse them, but you can sometimes help them think about what’s been happening around them. Maybe they’ve mentioned that work has become unbearable, their sleep has changed, they’ve stopped seeing people or something in their life has been affecting them for longer than they realised.

A useful conversation can help somebody notice connections without telling them what their diagnosis is or deciding the answer for them. Understanding what’s affecting somebody can give them more to work with than repeatedly focusing on the feeling alone.

10. Know When Someone Needs More Mental Health Support Than You Can Give

Friends, partners and family members can make an enormous difference, but there are limits to what personal support can do. Somebody may reach a point where they need help from a GP, therapist or another appropriate mental health professional.

You can encourage that without taking over. You might help them look at their options, sit with them while they make contact or offer to go somewhere with them if they want the support.

There’s also a limit to what one person can carry, so caring about somebody doesn’t make you responsible for managing their entire mental health. Sometimes helping them find support beyond you is healthier for both of you.

11. Remember How You’d Want to Be Treated if You Were Struggling

It can help to think about how you’d want people to respond if you were the person who needed support. If you broke your leg, became physically unwell or had another problem people could clearly see, you’d probably appreciate somebody checking in, offering help or asking whether there was anything they could do. A mental health problem may be less visible, but that doesn’t make the struggle or the need for support any less real.

We already make space in ordinary conversations to ask people what they’ve been up to, how work is going, how the kids are or what they’ve got planned at the weekend. Those conversations can easily last ten minutes without feeling strange, so asking somebody how their wellbeing has been, whether they’re doing alright or whether there’s anything they want to talk about doesn’t need to feel unusual either.

You don’t have to wait until somebody looks unwell before showing an interest in how they’re doing. Mental health is part of somebody’s life in the same way work, relationships, physical health and everything else are, and treating it as something we can talk about normally can make it much easier for somebody to speak when they do need support.

What Does Someone Struggling With Their Mental Health Actually Need?

One of the problems with mental health advice is how quickly it can become generic. We say people need to talk, exercise, socialise, rest, get outside, practise self-care or ask for help, but the person in front of you may need something completely different in that moment.

Support becomes more useful when you stop assuming and start paying attention. They may need a conversation today and distraction tomorrow, practical help one week and more space the next, or they may not know what would help yet.

That’s why listening matters so much. The better you understand what somebody is actually experiencing, the less likely you are to give them the kind of support you think they should want rather than the support they can actually use.

What Should You Say to Someone Struggling With Their Mental Health?

People sometimes avoid mental health conversations because they’re frightened of saying the wrong thing. That can leave somebody struggling alone while everyone around them waits until they know exactly what to say.

You usually don’t need a perfect sentence. You can tell somebody you care about them, ask how you can help and admit when you don’t know what to say, because being genuine can feel far more human than trying to produce the perfect response.

The person may not remember every word you used anyway. They’re more likely to remember whether you listened, whether you judged them, whether you disappeared afterwards and whether they felt able to be themselves around you while they were struggling.

FAQ

How Do You Support Someone With a Mental Health Problem?

Start by listening to them and asking what kind of support they need. They may want somebody to talk to, practical help, normal company, space or encouragement to seek professional support, and different people will need different things.

What Should You Say to Someone Struggling With Their Mental Health?

You can let them know you care, you’re willing to listen and they don’t have to explain everything perfectly. You don’t need an impressive response, and sometimes acknowledging that you don’t know exactly what to say can feel more natural than forcing advice.

How Do You Help Someone With Poor Mental Health Without Trying to Fix Them?

Listen to what they’re saying, ask whether they want advice and allow them to talk without immediately turning the conversation into solutions. You can still help them think about options when they want that kind of support.

What Does Someone With Depression Need From Friends and Family?

There isn’t one answer for everybody. Somebody may need company, practical help, patience, regular contact, space or encouragement to seek professional support, depending on what they’re experiencing and what feels helpful to them.

Should You Give Someone Space When They’re Struggling With Their Mental Health?

Sometimes, but it depends on the person. Somebody may need time alone without wanting to feel abandoned, so giving them space while keeping the door open for contact can work better than disappearing completely.

Why Does Someone With Depression or Anxiety Stop Replying?

There can be many reasons. Social contact may feel harder, somebody may have less energy, they may feel overwhelmed or even replying to a message may feel like another task. Their lack of response doesn’t automatically tell you how they feel about you.

How Can You Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Talk About Their Mental Health?

You can respect their choice without cutting them off. Let them know you’re available if they want to talk later, offer normal company if they want it and avoid repeatedly pressuring them to explain how they feel.

How Do You Ask Someone About Their Mental Health?

You don’t need to make the conversation formal. Asking how their wellbeing has been, whether they’re doing alright or whether there’s anything they’ve been struggling with can open the door without putting pressure on them to talk.

When Should You Encourage Someone to Get Professional Mental Health Support?

If somebody’s mental health is significantly affecting everyday life, continuing to get worse or becoming more than friends and family can reasonably support, professional help may be appropriate. You can encourage them to speak with a GP or another suitable mental health professional without trying to diagnose them yourself.

Can Supporting Someone Affect Your Own Mental Health?

Yes. Supporting somebody who’s struggling can be emotionally demanding, particularly over a long period. Having boundaries and looking after your own mental health can help you remain supportive without becoming overwhelmed yourself.